


this time we will definitely be happy

by GabeYells



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Hargreeves Lives, F/M, How Do I Tag, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Out of Character due to circumstances, Powerful Vanya Hargreeves, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Protective Vanya Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, They all deserve better, Time Travel Fix-It, Unreliable Narrator, Vanya Fixes Everything, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23510950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabeYells/pseuds/GabeYells
Summary: Vanya Hargreeves destroys the world in a blinding flash of light, and when she does, she wakes up 27 years in the past, as a three year old Number Seven.Now that she's somehow back in the past, Vanya is determined to finally get things right: save her family, love them, make better choices, maybe kill Leonard, (and maybe be part of the Umbrella Academy for real this time).It's not going to be easy. She's going to have to work around Reginald Hargreeves, his faithful sidekick, Pogo, their robot mom, and her low self-esteem. But make no mistake, she's going to make sure that this time around, she'll be happy.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 39
Kudos: 393





	1. I Open at a Close

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very self-indulgent fic that's just my take on what would happen if Vanya was part of the Umbrella Academy. The idea just stuck and wouldn't leave me alone. Vanya wakes up as a kid who will definitely TRY to make things better for her and her siblings through the power of Hugs, Love, Validation, and Love. 
> 
> The title was based on the manga This Time I Will Definitely Be Happy, but it's totes different from this fic.

The world was never as loud as it was when Vanya Hargreeves discovered her powers.

And there was no music, no harmony more powerful and beautiful than the time she thought _fuck this,_ and made the Earth tremble under her feet.

(She had powers, she was special, and her adoptive father, a monster named Reginald Hargreeves, decided for himself that it was better to get her under his control, better to make her believe she was less than nothing. So now, decades into the future, into her present, she decided to play like the madwoman her father was so afraid of.) 

She took to the center of the stage of the Icarus Theater, finally, _finally,_ feeling freer than she ever had in her life. With her violin — _her father's_ violin — and her eyes a blinding white, she brought to life a symphony of fury. She fully unleashed herself to the world, unknowing, and perhaps indifferent, to the fact that doing so would eventually destroy everything in her path. 

The soundtrack for the end of the world was a literal killer of a song; it was a summation of thirty years' worth of Vanya Hargreeves' pent up emotions. It was her childhood filled with loneliness and neglect, and her adulthood marred by the betrayal she's experienced. 

And the illustrious Umbrella Academy soon realized that fact, and knew they were not strong enough to stop her, they never were – _oh, the delicious irony._ Her siblings were a group of teenage superheroes, young gods among men, and now they couldn't even get close to Vanya Hargreeves, extra _ordinary_ Number Seven. 

Tonight they gathered in the center of the aisles, a mismatch of characters, all lined up to face her. The audience, for once, hardly ever glances at them, they were too entranced by _her._

(Tonight was a night of firsts.) 

She catches Allison’s stare. The world had been a crashing concerto in her ears, but Allison smiles, she looks so...proud, and everything slows and gentles itself to a soft hum. 

Vanya doesn’t stop her playing, but she matches her sister’s smile. 

Vanya feels herself falter in her anger, because _maybe._

There was still so much to unravel when it came to them: the part Allison played in her ruined childhood, their terrible non-childhood, their budding sisterly bond, the scar Vanya played into existence that will no doubt mar Allison’s perfect neck, and their _present._ There was a lifetime between them to address, but Vanya thinks, for a very brief moment, that maybe there was a way forward and it was— 

—Gone the next moment. 

Luther and Diego rush at her first — _of course they did,_ they were One and Two, always at odds, always trying to get anywhere first — she stops them in their tracks with a wave of her hand, sending them through the air. 

People stand and scream and leave through the exits, but Vanya doesn’t care about them now. She just wants – needs this to _end._ This performance has stopped being about revenge, or what she was owed, or proving that she was special, this was now just about her and her siblings and how it was always meant to end with them — by destroying each other. 

She’s tired now. Her eyes close, but she keeps playing. 

She hears gunfire, fighting, in the distance, but she can’t see it. All that exists right now is the motion of her body, and her violin. 

Eventually, she opens her eyes and glimpses them fighting against armed men and she almost rolls her eyes. Of course, the Umbrella Academy had to have their fights be high-stakes. If it was to be their last one, at such a precarious moment in time, if it didn’t have at least one gun fight with The Horror making a last-minute appearance, then it just wouldn’t be right. 

And with Ben here, even in spirit, they’re complete. It’s almost like it’s meant to be. 

Vanya bends and sways as she gathers her power. One, Two, Three, Four, and Five (late to the party, she’s not surprised) surround her, and as one, they _run._

“Now!” Luther yells. 

_Now,_ Vanya thinks, as she throws out a wave of light. 

One, Two, Four, and Five are then throw into the air, neatly arranged, dangling in front of her like her puppets. They yell and groan, like they were in deep pain, but Vanya stands there, a cold, powerful thing beyond recognition. 

She hears everything, so she knows Allison is behind her, with a gun trained to the back of head. 

Vanya doesn’t even look to knock the gun out her sister’s hands. Her powers are a limitless extension of herself, and they’d let her do anything she wants. And she wants all of this gone. 

So now here she stands, letting her siblings slowly get swallowed by light, leeching them of life. She is relieved when they fade away into dust. They can't hurt her heart anymore. They're gone. 

She defeated the great Umbrella Academy on her own. She wasn't ordinary at all. She's won. 

They're gone. 

_They're gone._

And so the horror sets in. 

_What have I done?_ She thinks, and chokes on the regret that comes and wraps around her chest and neck, constricting her breathing, crushing her heart. _I didn't want this to happen_ – but she did. She wanted to kill them all, for leaving her behind, for leaving her an empty shell, for setting her apart, for trying to stop her. She wanted to end it all, and she wanted revenge that she felt was rightfully hers to take. 

_What have I done? What have I done? WhathaveIdone?WhathaveIdone?WhathaveIdone?_

When the light erased the last of her siblings, but she knows deep inside that she will never forget their horror-stricken faces. She tries to stop – and fails. Her powers have been bottled inside her for too long, and she's set it free and loose all at once, like the Eldritch horrors her brother used to carry inside his chest. 

She reaches out to the light she's making. _Stop, no more!_ She can't recall a time when she's felt such remorse – 

_That was my family!_

They're the only love she's ever known for the longest time, even if their circumstances have soured the feeling, made her affection a burden rather than the anchor that it really should have been. She can't recall a moment where she was truly happy with any of them, when it didn't weigh her down to be beside them and not be as amazing and special. But it didn't matter really, in the end, they were all she had and she loved them despite their past and their present. 

She manages to slow her powers, enough to see beyond the wall they’ve made around her. She sees a wasteland as far as the eye can see. 

She stands on the remains of the Icarus Theater as the villain of the story. 

She wishes she never found out about her powers like this – and in spite of all the guilt and heaviness she’s feeling right now, she’s slightly bitter for the fact that she had to give dear old Dad this one. He had thought it was best that she never got to use her powers, and took steps to ensure it, even if his methods ultimately failed everyone in the end. 

_But, would it have made everything better?_ Powers or not, were any of them really happy as they were? She certainly wasn’t. 

_Maybe it could've been different._

She wishes it could've been different. 

She spends the last few moments of all life on Earth thinking about the what-ifs. What if she had a life where she got to keep her powers, got to save her siblings from their father and herself? A life where she got to be a part of the Umbrella Academy, her family, and got to keep them. 

_I always thought I would've looked great in the mission uniform,_ Vanya thinks wistfully. 

_Would we have been happy?_

At this point in the apocalypse, the world is breaking beneath her, and she can hear it clearly. She doesn't see the moon breaking into pieces, falling to the Earth, but she can hear the devastating cracks of everything falling apart. All that lay beyond her is awash with the chaos wrought by every living thing on the planet and beyond it reacting to waves of air and sound pushing and pulling apart buildings, roads, streets, people, families. Soon enough, there would be nothing left but her and the light. 

She's never been so terrified. 

_I’m going to die too._

_I never wanted this._ She pleads to whoever would listen. 

_Please._ She begs. 

But she knows it was all too late. 

So she lets herself fall as the Earth surges up to swallow her down. 

Vanya closes her eyes, meets a blissful silence, 

And then nothing. 

Nothing, then suddenly, _something._

Vanya wakes up to ice blue eyes peering down at her. 

"Seven," the eyes seemed to say in a high, panicked voice that belonged to a child. "You're crying." 

"I'm afraid," she confesses to familiar blues, her voice shaking and full of sorrow for what she lost. "I want it to stop." 

She covers her face with her hands, and turns to bury herself deeper in-between her sheets. She wants to hide from those eyes forever, they seem so much more damming when they’re framed by long lashes and baby cheeks. 

She feels tiny fingers gently pry her hands off her face and she looks up to see the eyes are now tense with concern. A soft hand smooths over her face, clumsily brushing her forehead and hair again and again until she forgets to feel guilty about looking at his eyes. 

"I'm right here," Number Five tells her softly, standing beside her bed in powder blue pajamas and fuzzy slippers. "Don't be scared." 

Vanya shakes at the memory, even when she knows she's safely ensconced in her brother's care. "But the light took you away!" Vanya laments. "It took you all away! And it was my fault." 

"It didn't," Number Five says, and he frames it like a promise, something Vanya latches on to with all the hope and desperation 30 years of life gave her. And before she can think more on her regrets, Number Five moves from his position beside her bed and lies down next to her. "I'm right here. Always." 

Vanya turns a little so that she's facing Number Five better. "Do you promise?" 

Number Five nods intently. "I'll never leave," he promises, and Vanya knows that he will never break it, because she was there when Nanny Weston told them that making a promise and keeping it despite the odds was the mark of an exceptional person. She knows how much he wants to be such a person, she saw how he slowly mouthed Nanny Weston's words to himself again and again. 

"I’ll take you everywhere with me, even if I have to go to the bathroom," Number Five continues, and she doesn't hesitate to nod her head in agreement, because she's afraid of being alone again, and because she knows he's never liked going to the dark toilet alone, especially at night. 

"Even to the kitchen," Vanya bargains solemnly. "So you can make me your secret sandwiches." 

Number Five smiles at this, and Vanya feels a lifetime of loneliness and regret start to seep out of her mind. She fills up on the warmth of her brother instead, who moves closer to encase her in a tight embrace. “Thank you, Number Five.” 

"Did you have a bad dream?" Number Five asks sleepily, tired but needing to make sure she was alright. 

"Yes," Vanya says. It was the worst of nightmares. 

"But it'll be better in the morning," Number Seven continues before they fall asleep.


	2. SevenVanya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Number Seven wakes up a different child. She’s brand new, and so very old. She still has ghosts to settle, and they won’t be easy to overcome. It will probably take a whole lifetime to put the past to rest, but she’ll start by laying down new foundations one inch at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a monster of a chapter. It really took me some time to write this because I wanted to see all the ways Vanya would address her past, and her present, and her future. I think of this part as Vanya's way of saying goodbye to the past, as well as her finally looking ahead. She still hasn't completely let go of certain things, but that's alright.
> 
> It was also really hard to write children. I didn't want to write baby talk cause I firmly believe that while adults wouldn't understand kids 100%, they would understand each other quite clearly, and have a wealth of a language on their own. Of course, I think I still bungled that a bit.

Number Seven wakes up to the feeling of being stared at. 

She doesn’t wake up to Number Five’s concerned gaze this time, she notes while her eyelids struggle to pull her out of sleep. Her sleep-heavy gaze meets Number Four and his green-eyed shock. He’s standing beside her, and reaches a cautious hand out to her forehead and pulls on a lock of her hair. 

Her hair which, until yesterday, had been brown. 

It’s now a startling shade of white, which prompts a loud gasp from her. This, in turn, alerts the rest of her siblings, who were all sleeping quietly in their designated beds (with the exception of Number Five, who made a niche for himself in her sheets beside her). They all take turns waking up and reacting to the fact that she now has shock-white hair. Number Five snapped awake the minute she gasped, tossing off the covers manically. Number Three, two beds away, wakes up next and shrieks, followed closely by Number One and Two, who both rolls out their beds to race up to her. They each take a lock of her hair in one hand before Number Five rudely slaps their fingers away. 

“Don’t do that,” Number Five scolds groggily, his eyes sharp despite just waking up. “We’re not supposed to grab the girls' hair.” 

Number One and Number Two then both tug at his hair, which sets off a rather vicious hair tugging contest that Number Four gleefully joins in. 

“Why did your hair change?” Number Three asks huffily, having weaved through the boys to reach for her hair. “Can we all do that?” She says as she reaches for her own curly locks. 

Number Seven shakes her head. “I don’t know why it changed. I don’t like it.” She’s unsettled by the change, like it was a sign of something bad about to happen, like that time Number Four made Father’s face purse in an unpleasant manner, and all of them promptly didn’t get dessert for a week. Her hair also caught the morning light in a certain way, and Number Seven can’t properly comprehend why it makes her stomach turn. 

“Are you sick?” Number Six pipes up sleepily from his bed. “Nanny said that people get white hair when they’re old and frail.” He rubs at his eyes as he slips away from his covers to sit next to her. “Like grandmas,” he adds with a yawn. 

The statement makes her pause. Number Seven doesn’t want to be a grandma. _I’m not that old,_ she thinks, her face scrunching up. 

The look on her face must’ve said so many things, as Number Four catches it from his side with his brothers. He slides to her side with a teasing grin that Number Three copies. “Number Six just called you a grandma!” They tease with a laugh. 

This, of course, catches Numbers One, Two, and Five’s attention, and their heads turn simultaneously like they were all slapped by a singular force. While Number Five valiantly refuses to laugh (he’s too mature for that, but he does grin) the other two jump on the bandwagon without a second thought. _“Grandma Seven!”_

Number Six looks like he deeply regrets saying anything, and he’d better, because the glare Number Seven gives him belonged better to the monster that lived under beds. “I didn’t call you a grandma! I didn’t!” He protests, raising his hands in a desperate bid to absolve himself of a crime whilst also readying his body for an attack. 

An attack that surely comes as Number Seven cries, “I’m not a grandma!” She deftly grabs one of her pillows and blindly attacks her siblings with it. “Take that back!” 

Number Four barely survives the initial onslaught. He caught the wild look in Number Seven’s eye early, so scrambles back whilst the rest of his siblings each take at least one feathered hit to the face. He races to his bed, and takes his pillows. With a mad grin on his face he leaps at his brothers, yelling “Pillow fight!” 

The other children scream and laugh as they run to their own beds to arm themselves with their own cushions. Pretty soon a pillow fight with hastily made rules like “Seven’s bed is a safe zone!” and “my pillow touched your ankle you’re the grandma now!” begins and forces the siblings into different areas in the room, chasing each other and avoiding each other with their pillows. 

Five minutes into their fight, they’ve even formed groups: Numbers Five, Seven, and Six (“because you called me a grandma!” _“I didn’t!”)_ have a base on one side of the room, with a pile of pillows as a barricade. Numbers One, Two, and Three have settled themselves near the door, with a table as their shield. Number Four ran from group to group, having decided to be a double agent for both groups (“Five took all the blocks for throwing!” “Two licked that pillow, Seven!”). 

Number Seven was sitting on what Number Five promised was their secret weapon – a pillow stuffed with blocks in it – when one of their nannies barges into the room, shocked and disapproving of the sight of children acting like children. 

“Stop this right now!” Nanny Weston yells, and Number Seven and her siblings abruptly go silent, intimately recalling the last time someone (Three) talked back at Nanny Weston. She made them all take early naps without any snacks (and told Father to boot). 

She made the children scurry to prepare for breakfast, which they all soberly attended to, before she noticed that the seventh child had somehow managed to get white hair overnight. 

_“What happened to your hair?!”_

On September 4, 1989, 100 nannies from all over America each received a job order from Sir Reginald Hargreeves, a billionaire industrialist, one of the most successful and _particular_ men at the time. 

They arrived on the steps of a large mansion on September 10, greeted by an olive-skinned man with a turban, and a _talking chimpanzee_ named Dr. Pogo. And with their mouths silenced by the sinful amount on their paycheck, they spend the next three weeks being trained by Dr. Pogo under the watchful eye of Sir Reginald Hargreeves. 

In the many days that followed, several of the poor ladies all surmised that they’d rather face Abhijat with his hidden weapons, than the critical Sir Hargreeves and the detached way he’d give his assessments of their performance. The nannies all privately agreed that the children all this training was for would likely lead cold lives like their adoptive guardian, or be broken beyond measure (like their adoptive guardian). It was as if they were training to look after (not _care _for – never that) monsters, rather than actual infants.__

____

And while it was impossible to slack off in any way in their duties (they were to perform each and every task with an insane amount of perfection), it was not allowed to feel any affection for the children. To be clear, they were permitted to care for them, but only at an amount deemed appropriate by their employer, which to most of them seemed like none at all. 

____

In three weeks, 57 nannies were whittled off, dismissed with a suitable paycheck and an ironclad contract that ensured they’d never speak of what occurred. A considerable number of them were sent away because they refused to treat children the way they were being trained to do. 

____

(Wonder what that said about the women who stayed?) 

____

On October 1, 1989, 43 nannies were left when Sir Reginald took to the skies all of a sudden. He returned a week later with seven children that they’ve been instructed to only refer to by numbers. 

____

That day, he dismissed all but seven women, one for each numbered child, and gave these women matching uniforms with a small black umbrella embroidered on each. 

____

____

In the weeks they spent training, the nannies-to-be were all informed by their enigmatic employer that the seven children they’ve been tasked to attend to were special (“born all of a sudden – out of nowhere!”) and might manifest peculiarities just as suddenly as they were born. They were trained on what to do should such a situation pass: secure the child, find Sir Hargreeves, attend to the rest of the children, and never discuss it with anyone outside of the house. 

____

After discovering that one child did manifest such a peculiarity, they were quick to act. Five of the nannies move to attend to the rest of the children and get them to their breakfast. Nanny Priscilla had promptly been dispatched to find Sir Hargreeves and his Dr. Pogo after a thorough check of Number Seven revealed that her white hair was not the product of chalk, dye, or other materials that a child might happen upon to use, and Nanny Weston snatched Seven into her arms and all but sprinted to his office. 

____

Nanny Weston arrives just as the door opens to admit them inside. She deposits the startled child in front of Sir Hargreeves, and left with Nanny Priscilla, closing the door softly on their way out. This all happened in five minutes. 

____

Number Seven had never been in Reginald Hargreeves’s office before, but she was surprised by how quickly she despised everything about it. It seemed so unwelcoming that it felt as if the heavy double doors had shut themselves closed in her face a hundred times. (And though it wasn’t easy to articulate as to how she got the idea, Seven knew intrinsically that she wasn’t allowed inside in different circumstances.) 

____

Her feelings about the entire place seemed so conflicting, because while she wanted to spit on the ground in front of her, she also wanted to belong to this room with a startling intensity. She wanted to be allowed in this office, no matter how much she hated it. 

____

It was doubly conflicting, when faced with the man who owned it. 

____

Before today, before the white hair, and before the room she hates and wants, she’s never felt such melancholia just by looking at her Father. 

____

It’s strange, because she saw him yesterday during their daily inspections, and all she really thought was that he was rather stiff-looking and pointy. 

____

“Do you know why you are here, Number Seven?” Father asks, his eyes alert, the most interested she’s seen him look when it comes to her. He stands as he puts on a pair of white gloves, looking her over with a cold, analytical stare. 

____

“My hair changed color, Father,” she answered, because that’s what Nanny Weston and Nanny Priscilla worried over before they took her here. 

____

“Indeed,” Father says, beckoning her over to his side, where a magnifying glass, a heavy lamp, and a set of strange medical tools rested on a small table. “Do you know why it changed, Number Seven?” 

____

Number Seven knew exactly why, even though she didn’t, she did. But every part of her screamed _don’t tell him._ So she shook her head instead, even though it felt like the answer was dancing on her tongue, playing along the edges of her mind, and if she poked hard enough it will pour out of her lips. But she knew that she shouldn’t, so she won’t. 

____

And every part of her agreed with that. 

____

“Did anything happen the night before that might have caused this change?” Father asked sternly, looking at on her hair and head, turning them this way and that, and Number Seven barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Father talked in a very annoying manner all the time; he talked differently in a way that made it hard to understand him. And Vanya was sure he didn’t do it to be mean; he just imperiously assumed that it will make them work harder and develop faster so that they can catch up to whatever he said. 

____

“No,” Number Seven answers just as Father circles her, taking note of little things that even she can’t seem to see. A black leather-bound journal sat open on his desk, and every now and again he’d write down on it. 

____

“Peculiar,” Father whispered as he took her face in his hand and inspected her eyes. “Do you feel anything differently, Number Seven? In your body? In your _head?”_

____

“White hair is usually a characteristic of aging, Number Seven.” Father informs her as he shines a small light into her eyes, observing them unflinchingly. He studies her eyes as if the answers to his questions lay in their depths, and were he allowed, he will exhaust any means to extract them no matter how much it might hurt. “And while it is not uncommon for hair such as this to appear prematurely on much younger people, it doesn’t happen overnight, in the span of a few hours, between the time you had experienced a harrowing nightmare and _Number Five left his bed to comfort you.”_

____

Father knew, of course, Number Seven wasn’t surprised. But she didn’t really expect to be confronted so suddenly, and Father phrased his question like a loaded gun – the safety’s off and the wrong answer will yield to a pulled trigger. 

____

In sudden stressful situations like the one Number Seven is facing, it is often common to experience a sudden chill, and a sudden irrepressible urge to fight the stressor, or flee for one’s life. And though she felt like the hair on the back of her neck rise, the temperature drop to a shuddering cold, and the air grow thin, Vanya didn’t feel like fleeing at all. 

____

Father straightens up and leans away, towering over her, a seemingly impossible tower of authority and power, but she meets his stare without fear. 

____

“Various medical research suggests that the change of one’s hair to white can be an indicator of stress,” Father continues, taking a pair of shears from the table and brandishing it like one would admire a knife. “Although, none of them support or report of an incident with a change as sudden as yours. I wonder, Number Seven, if, in the hours between 3:04 am and 6:36 am, an event so strenuous occurred that turned such well-cared for brown hair into white.” 

____

“I hope to find out,” Father says as he cuts off a lock of her hair with a loud snip. 

____

Number Seven only had time to shake her head at this before a knock on the door directed her father’s attention away from her. She lets out a relieved breath, and tries not to flinch when Father grabs her shoulder to keep her in place. 

____

The door opens to reveal Dr. Pogo, and _oh_ Number Seven feels like crying. She was only three years old, but the day is making her feel much more small and tired because she’s feeling too many contradicting things. When Pogo started to approach her and her father, she simultaneously felt relief at seeing a friendly face and a deeply conflicted disappointment. 

____

_Calm down,_ she tells herself as Pogo walks closer to Father’s desk. She’s starting to get a crushing headache, like her head was splitting apart, so she wills her howling mind to _stop hurting._

____

(It’s not the time for every part of her to speak up like this, to cry and scream about what she’s lost.) 

____

The pain starts to recede slowly, reluctant, as if scolded, just as Pogo opens his mouth to speak. 

____

“Sir,” Pogo said, in a soft voice that caught Vanya off guard. “I’ve gathered the other children in the hall, as you requested. I’ve inspected them myself, and I note no physical changes outside of the norm like Number Seven’s.” 

____

At this, Father dismisses her temporarily by telling her to stand next to her siblings outside the room. She does just that, walking stiffly past her siblings and some of their nannies, taking her place beside Number Six. 

____

Despite the fact that her position is farthest from the door, despite the fact that it feels like her mind is struggling to split apart, she manages to hear Father and Pogo with a little shake of her head. 

____

“One of children has already started to exhibit changes,” Father said, voice so clear that he might as well have been in the same room as Seven. “It won’t be long now, the rest of them will soon follow. As usual, record their progress strictly.” 

____

“Should I keep an eye on Number Seven, sir?” Dr. Pogo’s soft, unassuming voice follows soon after Father’s patrician one. “I believe–” 

____

Before she hears what is said next, Number Six nudges her attention. 

____

“Did Father find something bad about your hair?” He whispers to her, nudging her hand, which she noticed was shaking. “Did he say anything?” 

____

Normally she’d answer him, as everyone’s been forever curious about whatever lurked in Father’s office – the others have never been there before. Today she is the first of them to step foot inside it, and she could tell from the looks the rest her siblings were giving her that they were waiting patiently under the watchful gaze of their nannies to hear her spill the secrets of this unfamiliar part of their home. 

____

But right now, she doesn’t know what to say. She feels more like crying her eyes out, _relieved,_ as if she’d survived something horrible. 

____

“Are you alright?” Number Six continues, running a concerned gaze through her now white locks. 

____

He squeezes her hand, briefly, and Vanya feels herself settle bit by bit. Today was a rocking chair pushed by an energetic child, and its uncomfortable rocking was made up of a million of her worries – the most alarming of them stemming from father’s chilling inspection, her hair that’s giving her such unwanted attention, and the harsh, roiling, storm of emotions building up inside her that was born from powerful emotions from a long time ago. 

____

But Number Six tightens his grip on her hand, and her entire being focuses on that. 

____

_We have you again._

____

“I am now,” she tells him, and leans in to tell him about the silly things she saw in Father’s office. 

____

She tells Number Six enough to cause her other siblings to bend over backwards to hear what she was saying, and it was more than enough to get the nannies to start telling them off about misbehaving. All discussions about Father’s office is tabled after that, just in time for Father and Pogo to step out of his office to lead them to the medical halls. 

____

____

Later that night, Number Seven wakes up to the sight of Father’s doors. 

____

She’s standing three feet away from the heavy wooden doors, the vast hallway around her forgotten as the door captures her attention with the siren call of a distant, unfulfilling love. And despite the powerful urge rushing through her, telling her to run and smash through them with all her might, she knows with a crushing certainty that she’ll never be able to open it. 

____

These doors have been too heavy, hard, and unyielding all her life. They stand as imposing as she feels small – and she feels like she’s only an inch tall. The doors remain silent before her, a watchful but detached observer as she diminishes in their presence. Their disappointment is thick in the air, like a fog that lingers and sticks to the skin, and it’s ringing with the voices of the many people she’s let down in some way. 

____

The doors expect a lot from her, and she is consistently failing to deliver on it. Soon, they will stop waiting for her to catch up, and they shall remain closed forever. 

____

She doesn’t have what it takes to open the door, she’s not like her siblings, who stand inside, beyond her forever and always. She bets they sit there, basking in regard and adoration from people who revere them as idols. 

____

She stands outside the doors, as always, and understands that the moment she reaches for the doorknobs, they will be snatched away from her. Her fingertips will only be able to scrape the edges of it, because 

____

_“There’s nothing special about you,”_ Father says from behind the door. 

____

And that was that. 

____

Or it should’ve been. 

____

_“You’re wrong,”_ Vanya swears. She takes a determined step forward – and feels the thick fog surrounding her form let loose, parting like a curtain announcing the opening of a whole new show. She reaches out, and clasps one of the doorknobs with her right hand. “There has _always_ been something special about me.” 

____

She will never be left behind on the other side again. 

____

Number Seven clasps the other doorknob with her left hand. She holds on tight. “And I will never be here again.” 

____

She opens the doors, and is greeted with a warm light. 

____

____

Number Four is Number Seven’s favorite sibling for a huge number of reasons. 

____

For one, he’s impossibly buoyant; there has never been a punishment from any of the nannies that could keep him down or contained for too long. Number Four will smile even when he’s been made to stand alone in the corner for an hour, he won’t shed a tear if he’s made to sleep without supper. He faces punishments with an unrepentant soul, and come back to her with a wonderful story on his lips. 

____

Another reason he’s Number Seven’s favorite, is that he always makes her laugh because he thinks of the _best_ things. Right now, they’re playing with Number Six, exploring a dense magic forest like the one in Nanny Imogen’s stories. He’s weaving a world for his captivated playmates, one of a cackling old witch in the heart of the woods that grants great power to the brave adventurers that dare to set foot in it. 

____

Number Seven is part of this story; she’s the wise not-old _(“I’m not old, Number Six!”)_ witch that gives Number Six and Number Four potions that would make them do incredible things. Meanwhile, her brothers are the foolhardy adventurers of the tale, soon-to-be products of her magical experiments. 

____

Number Four takes a huge swig from his sippy cup filled with the hot, gurgling potion Nanny Weston handed them earlier that Vanya put spells on. He sets the cup down and starts to dance and twitch from the effects. “Oh no! It’s cursed milk!” 

____

“Now you’re going to start seeing ghosts!” Number Seven tells him with a laugh, and he responds by pretending as if his eyes were burning. 

____

_“Argh!”_ Number Four yells, pointing suddenly at the wall behind Number Six. “There’s one right behind you!” 

____

Number Six screams, and runs away with a laugh. He quickly hides behind Number Seven, and they start giggling in tandem as Number Four starts pointing at random places, conjuring ghosts here and there with the point of his finger. 

____

“Oh, there’s a price for your powers!” Number Seven says between giggles, struggling to sound ominous in spite of Number Four’s theatrics. “All the ghosts are loud and annoying!” 

____

“Argh! They won’t stop talking!” Number Four bemoans, lying down beside Number Seven’s bed as he is crushed by the weight of his newfound power. _“Nooo!”_

____

“Six!” Number Seven urged, never someone that liked seeing her siblings in too much pain, even if it’s all pretend. “You have to help Four! You gotta make him drink the potion again to make it stop!” 

____

At her side, Number Six pretends to mull it over. “Hmm, should we? I still need him to suffer for taking the last cookie from snack time.” 

____

“Hey!” Number Four objected from his spot on their floor. “I shared!” 

____

“You gave me the smaller piece,” Number Six scoffed imperiously. “And for that you must suffer.” 

____

_“No!”_ Number Four bellowed. He looks up to Number Seven, who’s snickering from the exchange. “Seven, give him a cursed potion too!” 

____

Number Seven thinks it over. “Then Number Six... you get... hmm.” It’s really hard to make up a curse on the spot, especially when the first one was so good, but she needs to think one up fast. 

____

“How about he gets awful tummy aches from eating too many cookies?” Number Four supplies, tugging impishly on Number Six’s sock. 

____

“That should be _your_ curse.” Number Six retorted, lightly kicking his brother in the side. “Shouldn’t you still be suffering from your curse?” 

____

“I got it!” Number Seven crowed just as Number Four started to move and twitch in pain again. “You get to have a _big_ and _scary_ monster for a pet.” 

____

“Cool!” 

____

_“What!?_ Seven why does he get a cooler power?” 

____

“But,” Number Seven intones, silencing her brothers as well as pausing for dramatic effect. She stands on the bed, ready to cast her terrible curse. “The monster lives in your tummy, and is the worst pet ever! He’ll give you tummy aches, make you fart a lot, and break all your toys.” 

____

Both boys pause at this for a moment before turning to each other with matching grins. “That’s so cool!” They say at once. 

____

Number Six gladly gulps down his sippy cup potion, and quickly falls on his back beside Number Seven. He starts tossing and turning all over her sheets, gurgling like he was blowing bubbles in his mouth. 

____

“Ack! Help! I can’t control the monster!” He moans as he rolls off the bed and to his feet as his siblings laugh. “It wants to wreck Four’s toys!” 

____

He sets off at once to do just that, and Number Four swiftly gets up and runs after him, deciding to help the monster “wreck Six’s toys too.” 

____

Both boys run towards the toy box on the other end of the room, seemingly forgetting about Number Seven, who still stood on the bed with her own sippy cup. Number Four grabs as many of the toys as he can and runs off with them to a different corner of the room, and Number Six follows on his heels, determined to stop his brother, or avenge his broken stuff. 

____

Seeing her brothers so focused on each other was fun for a little while. She was definitely laughing as Number Four makes Number Three scream when he accidentally knocks over her tower of blocks as he runs away from Number Six. But eventually, the sight of her siblings playing without her, even for just a few moments, has given her a strange hitch in her throat – a scream was trapped in there it seemed, one stuck on a memory she’d rather not relive. 

____

“Hey!” Vanya yells. “I have powers too!” She runs up to them, preparing to make up a special power on the fly. “Don’t forget about me just yet.” 

____

Number Four and Six pause from their chase to look up at her. 

____

“Of course you do,” Number Four says breathlessly. “You’re the witch.” He raises his fingers and twirls them around, as if to show her how to cast a spell. 

____

“Are you going to cast a curse on us, Seven?” Number Six pipes in with a grin. “You’ll have to catch us first.” 

____

Number Seven grins. “Oh, I _will.”_

____

And just like that, the three children tense before breaking out into a sudden run. 

____

____

Number Seven dreams of the door again. 

____

She stands outside of it, as usual, but this time, it has been opened. Inside, Number Six is there with Number Four, preparing for a mission. They were wearing the suits that Mother had prepared for them, and the alarms announcing a mission rang tirelessly red over them. 

____

She stands there for a very long time. Just outside, waiting to be addressed. They don’t see her. 

____

_Typical._ She turns to walk away. 

____

“You can’t come with us, Vanya.” Ben calls out from behind her. “You don’t have any powers.” 

____

_But I do,_ she remembers viciously. She won’t let them go on their own this time. 

____

_“I do!”_ Vanya turns and roars the words out so loudly that the floors tremble and the walls surrounding them are blown away. 

____

Her brothers stand there, in the wreckage of her fury, unmoved and pristine. 

____

And then Klaus smiles. 

____

“Of course you do,” he says with a roll of his eyes, like this was nothing new. “Now let’s go before Dad rips us a new one for taking too long.” 

____

“Get your ass over here!” Ben laughs. “Last one to Dad is a rotten Luther.” 

____

____

Number Three is a _tattletale._

____

Right now, as she, Number Four, and Number Six, were being chewed out by Nanny Weston for roughhousing last night before bed, Number Seven knows with zero doubt that Number Three is the one who told on them, judging by the way she stood behind their nanny’s legs with a smug edge to her eyes. Her lack of loyalty and ability to keep a secret have made her Number Seven’s least favorite sibling. She’s managed to unseat Number Two, who licked their pillows last week – and that’s something that's rarely ever forgiven in this household. 

____

Number Three can be such a pain! 

____

And for some strange reason, despite currently being chewed out by the meanest nanny in the house, Number Seven is somehow also deeply amused by this fact. 

____

But she did not have time to speculate on why, as Nanny Weston had the uncanny ability to sniff out who wasn’t listening amongst the misbehaving children she’s currently lecturing. She could just tell from little twitches that Number Seven wasn’t listening, so she’s quick to pull her attention back with a sharp _“pay attention, Number Seven!”_

____

After being told that they’ll be sent straight to naptime after lunch (which is absolute torture), Number Seven then resolves to remain angry for as long as she can. 

____

And so, Number Three continues to grate on Number Seven’s patience for a full week. 

____

In the next few days, it’s like the timbre of her voice has managed to settle lowly in the pits of Number Seven’s hearing like broken glass embeds itself on careless bare feet. It’s like her vocal cords are cultivating a grating and overbearing sound, always talking about what Number Three wants and needs and thinks. 

____

And what Number Seven’s learned from the seemingly endless days of listening to Number Three’s voice is that what her sister seems to want and think about can be counted, simply, by two fingers: attention, and getting her way. 

____

At least two nannies have to fuss and fawn over her every day, for various different reasons. Sometimes it’s because her hair is always a challenge to get right, and she won’t accept anything less than perfect. Number Three also wants people to do things for her, and often, she gets them to comply by any means necessary. 

____

The nannies often roll over for Number Three whenever she pleases, because she makes it difficult for them if they don’t. She throws tantrums with a voice so high that even Vanya wonders if she can match it. She cries and threatens to tell Pogo or Father when she’s chastised for anything. She fuels anger by answering back when she’s being told off, but at the same time she always ensures that she’s the subject of praise by being as pretty a doll as she can be. She’s also resilient to pleading, and sometimes she’ll only respond through flattery. 

____

It’s easy, _so easy,_ to write off Number Three as an insufferable, hard-to-understand sibling. 

____

But Number Seven soon comes to know better. 

____

She may have stayed mad at Number Three for a decidedly long amount of time, keeping the judgement buried but forever fed. She could keep this judgmental idea of her sister like a small, flickering light amidst the dark recesses of her subconscious, only making itself known from time to time whenever Number Three did something frustrating once more. 

____

But Number Seven doesn’t. 

____

Not this time. 

____

It helps that Number Seven is a three-year-old girl, and it’s hard for anyone at that age to hold a grudge. Number Two may have licked her pillow last week, which was all sorts of yucky, but he also gave her half of his pancakes once, and that ended whatever bad vibe lingered between them. She also distantly remembers Number Five being rude and mean to her a couple of times before, but she’s forgotten them now, especially when he’s been nothing but considerate to her now. 

____

And she doesn’t really have the space in her heart anymore to sustain a powerful regret, she has plenty of that on her own. And luckily, deep inside, she doesn’t actually want to keep being mad at Number Three. 

____

(A part of her thinks back to a time that never existed.) 

____

There are only two girls amongst the seven of them. Her and Number Three. Right now, it forms a nice wall between them and the rest of their siblings, an alliance of girls vs. silly boys. And there’s also a boat load of expectations and understanding that forms to bond them even more. 

____

There are days when the boys do or say the dumbest things, and often Number Seven will just catch her sister’s eyes, wherever she may be, and they’d share a long commiserating glance that would make everything better. Often they can communicate with just a look before pouncing on the rest of their siblings. And sometimes Vanya would do something incredibly dumb, something totally her fault, and Number Three will still have her back no matter what. 

____

Number Three is like the candy that Nanny Imogen rarely makes; it’s incredibly sour on the outside, but sweet and fruity on the inside. Number Seven just has to take her time with both her sister and the candy, because they’re more precious than they seem. 

____

Her sister is so different from her that it seems like she’s a thousand miles away. But when Number Three stops looking at herself and sees how far away she has gone, she might reach out, and it would be like she’d never left. 

____

Number Seven rarely thinks of the future (or of the distant past) but there is a promise on the horizon, a glimpse of two women sharing a smile while the most wonderous music played in the air around them. A promise to be sisters despite everything. 

____

Number Seven knows it’s going to be worth the wait. 

____

On one fine day, she sits beside Number Three after having lunch. It’s something that she hasn’t done in a week since she decided to give her sister the cold shoulder for being a snitch. It’s rather unfortunate, as after lunch time has been Sister Time since _forever_ ago. And they had fought for this spot, this shaded bench by one of the biggest trees in the manor. They had to wrestle and push five boys away because it’s “going to be our hideout.” 

____

“Boys are dumb,” Number Seven tells Number Three, who hasn’t looked up since her arrival. “They’re playing with weird bugs again.” 

____

Number Seven waits then, because Number Three can use even silence as a way to make people tense. She prepares for a long hour of frustrating quiet. 

____

But she needn’t have worried. 

____

_“Stupid,”_ Number Three agrees a moment or two later, turning to her with a small smile and an eyeroll she learned from Nanny Priscilla. “What did they do now?” 

____

“Four put a big bug on One’s back,” Number Seven continues with a giggle. “I think Nanny Genna called it a ‘beetle.’” 

____

_“Yucky,_ those are gross.” 

____

And it was they’d never fought. 

____

____

Number Seven has a dream again. 

____

She’s inside Number Three’s bedroom, long past the door, but still far from her goal. 

____

There was an unnatural stillness in the air. No sound but for the dry creaking her feet made on the floor as she shifted in place. Her sister sat unmoving in front of her vanity, completely engrossed in her reflection, and whatever it was that she was doing before Vanya entered the room. 

____

This time she knows better than to stay away and wait forever to be acknowledged. 

____

Without prompting, she takes some sure steps forward and takes a brush from the vanity. She gathers up her sister’s hair in place and starts brushing it gently. 

____

“It’s all tangled up,” she tells Allison. “It looks like a bird’s nest that got totalled.” 

____

“Ouch. _Tell me how you really feel,_ ” Allison answers, looking up at her with a fond smile. 

____

Vanya, in contrast to a long forgotten past filled with regrets and mistakes that she still has to answer to, doesn’t hold back her answer. 

____

_Maybe I will._

____

“I love you.” 

____

Vanya wakes up alone. 

____

She sits up in her small little cot, stretching her arms out. 

____

Except for the light snoring coming form the only other occupant in their room – Number Three, everything was blissfully quiet. 

____

A relieved sigh escapes Vanya’s lips. She hasn’t been this lucid in weeks. 

____

She arrived in the past like a panic attack. She wasn’t received well. The depth and breadth of her consciousness was like a late-stage cancer next to a three-year-old's mind. It was a traumatic experience for her and Number Seven, as their two minds had to fight for existence before it could settle for coexistence. 

____

To survive, her mind had to wrap itself around Number Seven’s, embedding itself so firmly that the little girl that was her three-year-old self had no choice but to bend and accept her. 

____

It was a fusion that felt like forever, even though it only lasted for a moment. 

____

Although aftershocks of what happened still rang painfully in their heads whenever one mind shook the precarious equilibrium their shared consciousness settled on, there are moments when it was impossible to answer with certainty which one of them was which now. One of the nannies could ask Number Seven a question, and Vanya would answer without skipping a beat. Similarly, Vanya would start a thought that Number Seven would finish. And it would be so, no matter how different they both are. 

____

Painful headaches assault them both when one of them decides to free herself from the bonds of their shared space – still struggling to be the dominant personality. Often it’s because Vanya is still fighting to keep what’s left of herself, in fear of losing the hard-earned lessons she brought from her past. But on the rare times when Number Seven decides to vie for control, Vanya always steps back. For in this life, she had vowed to fight to ensure a happy ending for them all – even for herself. 

____

It means that she’ll let Number Seven and herself, and her siblings, be children. Let them enjoy what’s left of their childhood before their powers, before the endless and grueling training, and before the constant struggle to perform to the tune of Reginald Hargreeves. 

____

It was also very important that while Number Seven needed to act like a child to live out her childhood, she still had to think like Vanya to ensure that changes are made. 

____

But despite the fact that they’ve been managing their coexistence well, their progress was difficult to follow. The flow of their minds is often erratic, it followed no set of rules when it came to determining how much of Vanya is present today, and how much Number Seven isn’t, and vice-versa. 

____

Vanya remembered reading about how the mind has a tendency to protect itself; it will move and shape itself to defend against unbearable emotions like extreme anxiety or guilt. She, unfortunately, has plenty of both – and more – in spades, and she’s dumping it on a child’s mind. 

____

And now she's come to the conclusion that their shared brain is now vigorously compartmentalizing, struggling to make a whole out of two minds. 

____

There were times when Vanya would realize that a memory she’s supplied has been tainted by Number Seven’s own thoughts. It could be harmless little changes, wherein Vanya finds herself feeling two different things at any given event. She might remember Klaus stealing one of Allison’s skirts and think “no way!” at the same time as “typical Klaus.” 

____

But these changes can be troubling, like seeing the end of the world through a child’s eyes. Her future self destroying the world out of anger was one of the first memories Number Seven had access to when Vanya arrived. Having Number Seven’s thoughts on the apocalypse was simultaneously less harrowing (it’s like a fantastical show) and even more tormenting (Number Seven cried so hard, it was like she was dying – it was like scraping a wound raw, the pain is fresh and _present)._

____

There were also memories that are slipping through their fingers like smooth sand. Vanya arrived in this time just as broken as the Earth she left. Having to also merge with her past self only ensured that some parts of her will either disappear forever, or be filed away in a deep and inaccessible part of herself like a repressed memory. 

____

And unfortunately, all of it is happening at a pace that neither mind can predict. All Vanya and Seven have each day are a set of maybes that neither have the time nor the brain power to fully assess. 

____

They know deep down that the full merging of their minds might be inevitable one day. There will come a time when Vanya won’t resurface as just herself, just as Number Seven won’t. They’ll be so entangled, a whole new person that’s both them and not. 

____

Vanya hopes that she’ll be someone who won’t make the same mistakes her predecessors did. 

____

And as refreshing as it may sound, to have your old selves die and become a different person is still terrifying. 

____

She initially thought that her new life was a chance to change the past, but as the weeks went by in her younger body, she soon realized a terrible reality – she can’t make big moves or changes. Doing so would involve surfacing as Vanya for far longer than necessary, and it might just destroy their mind. 

____

(Distantly, she thinks Five would have fared better with all the thinking and planning that needed to be done. If Vanya had to choose which sibling would be better equipped in achieving time travel and ensuring that his actions didn’t ruin the future or somehow rip a whole in the fabric of space and time, she’d pick Five before the question was even finished. Her brother had always been so pragmatic, and he’d already time travelled. He also knew how to plan – for _everything._ Before he even left the Academy for the future, he already knew how to weigh his options, the possibilities, and his next moves.) 

____

And she can’t make many changes _right now._ She’s just three years old – physically and mentally 80% of the time. All she can do right now is push her path to align with the future she wanted, like how one would lay the foundations to a building, or make small adjustments to physics equations to hold new answers. It seemed that right now, her best option was to do what she can to push for the things that would greatly influence how she, Number Seven, and _SevenVanya_ will move in the future. 

____

She hopes that’s enough. 

____

And for all that this chance to redo her life seemed like a blessing, it was also a curse, because of all that she left behind. She didn’t just leave behind her mistakes, she left behind history. 

____

Vanya is just tired thinking of it. There’s a lot to unpack with what she left behind, with what she’ll never see again. 

____

Would _SevenVanya_ feel her guilt? She hopes not. She hopes she’ll be somebody new. 

____

But now’s not the time to think about that. 

____

Vanya shakes her head and decides to focus on her rare moment of consciousness. She rarely, if ever, gets the time to wonder once more at what her life was like 27 years ago. Number Seven has decided to sleep in during this afternoon’s nap time, which isn’t new. But what is new is the fact that it left Vanya free reign of their body for an indefinite period of time. 

____

So Vanya gets off the bed, moving stiffly with muscles that she hadn’t moved in so long on her own. She walked with a small hitch in her step, like a coma patient who just woke up after a years-long sleep. 

____

She headed to Number Three first, but she’s still soundly asleep in her bed. If the little twitches of her toes are anything to go by, Vanya knows she’ll wake up soon. 

____

The rest of the beds around them were empty, their other siblings were already outside in the gardens, taking advantage of the few hours they had left before supper time. 

____

She hears a sound from below the windows, so she walks over to one just in time to watch Luther and Diego secretly trying to climb one of the taller trees in the garden. 

____

Vanya distantly remembers that it was Dad’s favorite tree, and she wonders what he would do if he found out about this. ‘He probably already knows,’ Vanya thinks as she looks up to one of the camera’s her father installed all around their home. 

____

Her father’s work can be seen or felt all throughout the room. They had no privacy given the cameras installed in several angles all around the area, and Father kept a lot of his night-time observation equipment hidden in all the locked cabinets beside their beds. 

____

The educational books that lined the shelves around their beds were of a level no normal parent figure would ever expect their toddlers to enjoy or absorb. Number One and Number Five were really the only ones who actually could understand it quickly, without much prompting or coaching from the nannies. They all owned a few toy (all of the same kind and quantity) but Vanya can’t help but think that their father provided them with it to make them smarter, not because they were fun. 

____

Umbrella logos were also engraved or emblazoned imperiously on almost every single item in the room, from their shoes to their wallpaper, like a relentless marketing strategy. 

____

A sudden, powerful anger befell her at the sight of it all. She could feel herself shaking as she remembers how the entire experience of being Reginald’s charges broke each and every one of them in some way. She’s not sure if there’ll ever be a point where she’ll stop being angry, _so angry_ and heartbroken over everything he’s ever done. 

____

She fights to reign it in. She wants to use this time to appreciate what she has, in the small amount of time she has to herself, instead of wallowing in the past. 

____

Luckily, Number Two almost slips from the tree, and his yell is enough to distract her from her thoughts. 

____

Diego. 

____

Now he’s complicated. Vanya can parse what Klaus, Ben, and Allison need, in her opinion. But she doesn’t have an answer for Diego’s. They were like distant, frosty siblings at best, and at worst he was openly hostile to her, especially in the rare times she’s seen him when they were older. 

____

His heart might be in the right place, but his mouth definitely isn’t. It mostly decided to be as hurtful as the stab wounds that its owner inflicts. Diego had a lot of reasons to be angry at so many things, from their father, to their childhood, to her book, but Vanya knew intimately that these can’t justify inflicting hurt, nor sweep away mistakes. 

____

She can guiltily admit that while she’d love him in this life as much as he frustrated her in the past, he has a mile-long list of bullshit that she hasn’t found the heart to completely erase from her head. 

____

He may have had the stutter for most of their childhood, but he didn’t hesitate in making it known that he saw her as an inconvenient accessory to the inner workings of the Academy. She was like a porcelain figurine to him, one that they all had to step around as well as protect. Vanya won’t be surprised if he valued her as much as a child would value a family antique – he’s attached cause it’s part of the family, and he had to take care of it or else he’ll get in trouble for breaking it. 

____

He, like Dad, saw that it was better to keep her forcibly at a distance. And while it kept her safe, it broke her anyway. It always felt like he only had sharp edges reserved for her, when the rest of her siblings had at least one soft side to cushion all of his blows. 

____

_I want to help you,_ Vanya promises Number Two. She hopes that could be enough, because she’s still all cut up. 

____

(Vanya has a lot of regrets, but the roots of some of them can be traced back to little moments in her past where instead of _doing something_ she stood back and let herself get hurt. 

____

She used to lie awake at night and wonder why, when they pushed her away, she _stayed_ away and eventually stopped trying. She’d relive in quiet moments memories of her past, and think of maybes. 

____

If she fought for them more, for _herself_ more, would it have made a difference?) 

____

When Luther reaches the top of the tree, while Diego struggled in the middle still, he looks so victorious and young, that Vanya can easily trace the parts of him that will survive boyhood and become her gigantic brother. 

____

And Vanya almost kills him then. 

____

She can feel her powers lying dormant underneath her skin. Number Seven hasn’t manifested it entirely. It just shows itself in small ways with enhanced hearing every now and again. But she knows it will happen soon for all of them, just as Dad predicted weeks before. 

____

And for the very brief second when she was struck with the want to strike Luther down from the tree, she can feel how easy it is for her, Vanya Hargreeves, to come into her powers earlier. 

____

But she doesn’t pull on that string. 

____

Her relationship with these boys are _complicated._ She’s thankful for Number Seven’s presence in her head, no matter how quiet she’s being right now, because she doesn’t know how to distance herself from all her darker thoughts. It feels as if no matter how much she loves them, and will continue to love them, the love has a thin barbed wire of mistrust and hate twisted around it. 

____

And she doesn’t know how to trust this Number One, and separate this Luther from the one she grew up with, who was so...strong and dependable. The Golden Child. He was responsible and perfect growing up, even if he was so far away from her. She looked at him before and saw someone with honor, broken, but worthy of her trust. 

____

When Vanya was a teenager, sometimes she’d read books on knights and heroes and see Luther in her mind. He was charismatic and brave, and he had the good looks to boot. He may not have acknowledged her existence too often, but he never unkind. He was distant enough that she didn’t see much of the flaws that marred his image, and the cracks in his soul that every member of the Umbrella Academy held. 

____

When he crushed the breath out of her lungs, she couldn’t remember it without knowing how much they all failed – failed her and each other. Being betrayed by Luther himself, was like the final proof of how unloved she was. It was a painful realization, more agonizing than the crushing strength of his hold, and the feeling of passing out from the lack of oxygen. 

____

When she woke up in that dark and soulless anechoic chamber, some parts of her just slowly bled into her tears. 

____

They were so broken, but by then, only she was shattered enough to want to destroy everything else. 

____

‘Seven,’ she thought, urging Number Seven to take charge again. ‘Save them.’ 

____

_Wake up, please. I can’t look at them anymore._

____

____

In her dream, Vanya breezes away from her, running past the grand foyer, up their grand staircase, and disappearing into one of the many rooms upstairs. 

____

_She’s not ready yet._

____

But Number Seven stays behind near the entrance to their manor. She’s surprised by the state of it, so much older and darker than she’s ever seen it. The house, as a whole, still looked beautiful, but now some of the surfaces were marred with scratches and bullet holes, and the chandelier that Number Seven loved looking at was on the floor, trashed beyond saving. 

____

The only things still pristine and flawless in the room was the doll house that appeared right in front of her. It was a well-made, eerily accurate replica of the Umbrella Academy, from the roof to the doors. 

____

Number Seven is eager to play with it. She pulls it open to reveal even more incredible miniatures of her house. To her surprise, there were moving figures of her and her siblings’ older counterparts. 

____

Looking closely, she can see Allison sulking in what seemed to be her room, while Luther was fiddling with a shelf in his. Diego was in their massive living room, lounging on one of the couches – which Father would normally frown upon, as he wouldn’t want such large boots and weaponry on his expensive furniture. Klaus was in the kitchen, moping on a table wearing a _lovely_ black skirt. 

____

She also sees Vanya, sitting on the steps of the grand staircase, brooding like the rest of her siblings. 

____

It was such an arresting sight. They all moved, seemingly angry with the world, stuck in their heads. It looked like they would stay that way forever, but then mini-Luther starts to play one of the records on his shelves. 

____

When the opening beats ring, they all react in-sync. They know this song. 

____

_“Children behave,”_ a disembodied woman sings. _“That’s what they say when we’re together.”_

____

The mini-siblings look up, enchanted by the rousing beat of the song. They start to move along with the music. 

____

_“I think we’re alone now, there’s doesn’t seem to be anyone around.”_

____

Every one of them dances like they were just as the song describes, alone and following along to the beat of their hearts. Number Seven laughs as they dance like no one is watching. Vanya sways and twists like she was a broken doll, stiff and restrained even when she’s letting loose. Luther is much worse, he sucks at dancing, moving rigidly and inflexibly like he was fighting someone instead. Diego was hilariously cutting the rug with moves that involved a chaotic set of whirls and gyrating, all fun with no rhyme nor sense. Klaus slow danced with a vase in the kitchen, looking like he was floating on clouds. Allison, as usual, outshines everyone with how she sashayed and twinkled about in her bedroom. 

____

It was such a stark contrast to all the memories Vanya provided about her family. They looked so alive in this doll house that Number Seven could have watched them forever. 

____

“I think we’re alone now,” Vanya sings from beyond the doll house. “The beating of our hearts is the only sound.” 

____

Number Seven looks up to see Vanya dancing along to the song, less restrained, freer and lighter. There was a wide smile on her face, and she beckons Number Seven over with a smooth wave of her hand. 

____

Number Seven doesn’t hesitate. 

____

____

Number Seven wakes up to a light shake on her shoulder. 

____

She refuses to wake up, scrunching her eyes tightly and turning to her side to burrow deeper into sleep and her covers. She is having a lovely dream right now. She was dancing very well. Please go away. 

____

But the shaking persists, followed by a sleepy yet insistent _“Seven.”_

____

She opens her eyes to find herself waking up to Number Five’s blue eyes peering down on her once more. 

____

“You said,” he tells her groggily, with his eyes half-closed and his body swaying slightly to the left and right. “You’re coming with me to the bathroom.” He continues as he tries to stifle a big yawn with his small fist. 

____

Number Seven never forgets a promise, just like her brother before her. Knowing how much he hated waiting, especially in the dark, she nods once and then twists off her bed. With sleep still directing their movements, she catches Number Five’s hand in hers. Together, they wordlessly stumble to the door, fumbling around with only the light of the full moon streaming from their windows to guide them. 

____

The hallway was dimly lit, most likely because the nannies rarely ventured around at this time of the night. There was a soft yellow light from the sconces that cast shadows on the wall as the two children made their way to the bathroom closest to their room. 

____

They open the door to find it pitch black inside. One of the nannies forgot to leave them lit. Though it was only beside the door, they both couldn’t reach the light switch to the bathroom. Number Five shook himself awake as the reality that he would have to pee in the dark dawned on his young mind. He hated the dark, not that he would admit it. 

____

“It’s okay,” Number Seven tells him with a soft smile. She leads him inside with her, and leaves the door open just enough so that they can see were the potty was. 

____

“I’m not afraid, okay?” Number Five whispers to her, and she nods emphatically. 

____

“Of course not, but I am.” She tells him as she turns to face away from him, her eyes on the door. She hears him let out a relieved sigh. 

____

“You can do it now,” she tells him, eyes still trained away. “I’ll be right here. I can wait.” 

____

____

Number Seven stood in Vanya’s room. 

____

The moonlight streamed from the windows and twinkled on a teenaged Vanya’s long black hair as she slipped out of bed, out of the room, and out the door into the hallway outside, unaware of the three-year-old in her room, following after her with curious brown eyes. 

____

Vanya treads lightly, sneakily, past the other rooms, with little Number Seven walking behind her, just as light and sneaky. 

____

“Vanya?” Number Seven whispers. “Where are we going?” 

____

Vanya doesn’t seem to hear her question. 

____

They sneak into the kitchen. Vanya starts opening up and grabbing items from the cupboards and drawers. She sets to work and spreads some peanut butter on two slices of bread she nicked from the counter. She plops about a dozen mini marshmallows on both slices, and joins them together on a dessert plate. 

____

Once done, she carefully closes all the drawers and cupboards she opened. She tiptoes out of the kitchen and weaves silently through the hallways to get to the grand foyer. 

____

Number Seven looks on as Vanya flips the light switch, illuminating the room. She blinks from the glare and sees her older self rushing for the door, opening it and stepping outside. 

____

The three-year-old is quick to follow behind her. 

____

Number Seven steps outside to see Vanya sitting on the front porch, her arms tucked in to try and beat the cold night air. The peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich has been set beside her. Seven moves to sit on the other side of it. 

____

“Do you think he’ll come back tonight?” Vanya asks suddenly, sounding so heartbreakingly hopeful that even Number Seven had to look away. She looks at Number Seven then, with her entire being aglow with the moonlight washing over them, looking so otherworldly it was breathtaking. 

____

“Not tonight,” Number Seven manages to say. “But we can wait.” 

____

Beyond them, delicate-looking red flowers that look like plume of feathers rain down from the sky. 

____

“Pretty!” Number Seven gasps. She rushes forward to catch them in her hands, leaving Vanya behind with her sandwich. 

____

_I think I’ll always be waiting for you._ Vanya thinks to the sky, and to the far away Five Hargreeves.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Astilbe flowers, if my brief research into floriography can be believed, symbolizes dedication and patience to someone beloved. Giving them to someone important is akin to telling them "I will always wait for you."
> 
> For those wondering why I wrote the do-over like this, I had a specific idea for how I wanted the effects of the time travel/reincarnation/do over to be seen, and how it would direct the flow of the story. It felt like cheating to make Vanya an adult woman in a little girl’s body, but we won’t have a story at all if the little girl with white hair was entirely a three-year-old Number Seven. 
> 
> Hello everyone! Thank you for reading, if you have any ideas, conspiracy theories, or thoughts on this story and how you think it will go, tell me so or go yell at me on my Tumblr. I love reading what you think. Also I may have a general idea for how I want this story, but the whole process is still subject to whim and plot. It's part of the reason this chapter took too long, I'm writing this as I go along.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you see what I did with the last line? If not, look again, thanks.
> 
> Just a warning, I've never read the comics, only watched the show. So I will be tackling the Hargreeves and their problems one by one, as I've seen it from the show. If I've missed anything, let me know, especially if it's something interesting from the comics.


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